TO DO LIST

• Go to an orphanage. Begin telling "yo mamma" jokes to the children.
• Drop out of college. Start a multi-billion dollar company.
• Write in to "How It's Made" demanding to see an episode on babies.
• Call 867-5309. Ask for Jenny.
• Mope about not having a boyfriend. Install a detachable shower head.
• Steal donut truck. Be amused while cops chase after donut truck.
• Physically kill someone with kindness.
• Google: let it snow.
• Grab a random kid by the shoulders and scream, "I'M YOU -- FROM THE FUTURE!!!"
• Imagine a world with no hypothetical situations.
• Become a doctor. Eat an apple a day. Have intense internal struggles.
• Get on WebMD. Self-Diagnose. Become the first male with cervical cancer.
• Allow hands to become idle. Engage in the work of the Devil.
• Find out whose cruel idea it was to put an "s" in the word "lisp." Give them a high-five.
• Get botox right before going to a funeral. Tell the family how truly sorry I am for their loss.