Younger men with older women!

Younger men find older women intellectually stimulating and exciting, while women appreciate that younger men come minus the baggage and world-weariness of their own, older contemporaries!

A resounding ‘Yes’ by 91 % men and 60% women to the idea of men dating significantly older women is just one small indication of the changing dynamics of romantic relationships. Age and status become irrelevant, as attractive traits, comfort and chemistry rule the roost.

For years ‘older men-younger women’ has been the predominant trend. Age gaps of up to even 20 years, where the man is older, have barely raised eyebrows. Occasionally ‘cougars’ (derogative term for older women in a relationship with younger men) have garnered some unpalatable attention, but never have women past 40 had it so good!

Increasingly, older women are being approached by younger men, who find them fascinating, mysterious and exciting. Calling a woman a cougar is no longer relevant, as she is the one being chased now! Women in turn, surprised and flattered by young male attention, respond well to the intensity, looks and vitality of the younger men as opposed to the hardened, worn out indifference and baggage of the older guys.

At 40 and beyond, women are comfortable in their own skin and are more or less financially independent and free of responsibilities of breeding and nurturing. Women who participated in the survey (covering 140 men and women) conducted on Facebook and through individual conversations, suggest they are attracted to younger men because they feel more in control, younger and more beautiful when wooed by a man who chooses them over the many younger contemporaries available to him. “I find it flattering and reassuring. I love indulging as well as being indulged,” says a woman. “Most of the time a younger man is unattached, so there is no fear of breaking a home,” reasons another. A woman married to a man 9 years her junior says, “He is extremely active with the kids and also has an open mind about taking over their care and the kitchen. His youthful enthusiasm is infectious and stimulating!”

Naturally a younger man comes minus baggage and is less inclined to dominate and manage a woman or her resources! And a woman enjoys that sense of control she has over the man. And of course a younger man’s youth and vitality only serve to spice up life! Apart from that, research proves that women peak sexually in their middle age while men have a stronger sex drive at a younger age. Also older women are biologically more wired for sex with younger men since the women’s chances of conceiving grow leaner with age.

And, what’s in it for the young men? They appreciate the maturity and no-strings-attached relationship that an older woman provides apart from the intellectual stimulation and mentoring. “Less chatter and more meaningful conversations,” says one man. “She can handle situations better and is more affectionate and caring, rather than needy and demanding,” says another. “Older women come tantrum-free,” assumes yet another! A young man said through mail, “There is always the chance that an older woman is sexually deprived (due to any/many reasons) and since so am I, the Math is favorable!” And here is the least admirable reason of all — “There is more chance of an older woman being attracted to me, so I would go for it!”

What has changed in recent years to swing the situation so dramatically in favor of women? It has to do with more women stepping into the work field. They are looking after themselves better, are smarter and financially independent. They also have the confidence to make their own decisions and the capacity to live with their choices. With better grooming and fitness regimens, with dressing young and more provocative, age is far less noticeable. Mothers and daughters share dresses and make-up tips and most often can pass off as sisters or friends.

A healthy relationship has in any case never had anything to do with age; it has always been the outcome of good chemistry, willingness to compromise, shared interests and passions, good communication skills and a deep regard for each other. That being constant, what is to hold back a young man from having an exciting relationship with a much older woman who is attractive and intellectually stimulating, and hopefully unattached?

“Life has stopped making sense,” sighed a friend browsing through some relationship articles on the internet. “In the wired world, everything seems to be acceptable. What are the new rules?”

But that is the whole point. There are no rules anymore. Just the values, decency and sense of fair play you bring to a vast playing field!

How To Live to be 100!

‘Sleep and sushi’ were the world’s oldest woman’s secret of longevity. But surely more factors contribute to the increasing number of centenarians, especially in US and Japan?

Sau saal jiyo‘ May you live a 100 years’ is the traditional Indian blessing. Sto lat, sing the Polish. Cent’anni, say Italians. Greeks wish each other na ta ekatostisis, while Swedes sing Må han / hon lever i hundraår…

Who wouldn’t want their loved ones to hit a century, and beyond? The world’s oldest living woman, 117-year-old Japanese Misao Okawa died on April 1, passing on the title to 116-year-old Gertrude Weaver, an American. Misao said on her birthday last month that 117 years didn’t seem such a long time really! Really?! And this is a woman who lived across 3 centuries, four Japanese emperors, six British monarchs and 20 US Presidents!!

Misao’s secret of longevity? Eight hours of sleep a night and eating sushi, she stated. Gertrude Weaver, now the oldest, is passionate about manicures, Bible studying and wheelchair dancing. She shared her longevity secret with Time magazine –“Kindness. Treat people right…”She also credited an unwavering faith in God for her long years. In sharp contrast, Jeralean Talley, 116, now the world’s second oldest living person,  leads a fun life! She bowled, played the slot machines in casinos and even mowed her lawn till she was 105! She still goes on fishing trips and caught 7 catfish at 114!

From three hearty meals a day to sparse eating, from being super active to confined to a wheel chair; from playing casino slot machines to following God; eating raw eggs to sushi to bacon – the world’s oldest people have credited many things with contributing to their long innings. Desperately seeking the elixir of life, the rest of us lap up their words as gospel. But is there a strategy that can help you actually live to 100?

Interestingly the 10 oldest people living at present are all women, ranging from the ages of 116-114. Then come two men in the over-110 category at 112 years of age. The 10 oldest people ever to have lived are also ALL women. Of 56 oldest living people since 1955, 50 were women! Studies quote deferred heart conditions as compared to men, better ability to deal with stress, lesser alcohol and tobacco culture, and lesser iron as some reasons for women’s longer lives.

As nationalities go, the US boasts the largest number of the world’s oldest living, followed by Japan. Of the 12 oldest living, six are from the US, while four are Japanese. What could be the possible common denominator between these two nations that helps nurture long years?

Lessons from Nagano in Japan, which is the longest-living place on earth, with maximum centenarians, suggest that a healthy diet, regular physical activity and extended work years help their inhabitants live longer. Just about 35 years ago, Nagano had Japan’s maximum heart stroke rate, which is when the government intervened, aggressively promoting healthy eating and exercise habits along with preventive healthcare. Most Japanese people are encouraged to postpone retirement or begin second careers. People live in a caring community that looks after its old. Low stress lifestyles and spirituality also help one live longer and better. Importantly, the goal is not just to live longer, but to stay healthy as long as possible in those years, points a Japanese doctor!

John W Santrock in his book, ‘Life-Span Development’ identifies five factors important to longevity — Heredity and family history; Health, (weight, diet, smoker/non-smoker, amount of exercise); Education level; Personality, and Lifestyle. The author also notes that the biggest group of centenarians has been of women who never married . People who have been through traumatic events may also live longer as they learn to cope better with stress and poverty.

Countries with better healthcare facilities and a better ratio of doctors and population report longer life expectancy. Japan has the highest life expectancy of 86.2, ranking first for males and second for females (WHO 2012). US at 79.8, ranks 32nd for men and 35th for women. Andorra ranks first in female life expectancy. India with a life expectancy of 60, ranks 64th for men and an embarrassing 150th for women!

When will we live to be 100?

(Gertrude Weaver, barely reigned six days as the world’s oldest living person and died on April 6, 2015. Now the world’s oldest living person is Jeralean Talley, 116, also an American.)

You just don’t understand! Communication Of Language

Effective communication is not dependent on language alone; emotions, mental and spiritual levels, and intent play a role too

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus ­ and they often talk Greek to each other. Misunderstandings and talking at cross-purposes are common between the sexes, as people struggle to project their views to each other. But then, often you don’t even have to be from different planets or belong to different sexes to be talking a language that is not understood by another.

When a woman tells her lover, “You will never understand!“ it is not the words or language she refers to, but the underlying emotions and her deeper desires and intent. She yearns for the lover to empathise with her viewpoint.The man may not say the same, but he too despairs of his beloved ever viewing things from his perspective. They are just wired so differently. A woman needs emotional succour and consistent connect– ­that is what feeds her femininity. On the other hand, a man needs to withdraw at regular intervals in order to reassure himself of his space and independence– ­that is what bolsters his masculinity.With such mutually exclusive needs, is it surprising there are so many misunderstandings and conflicts? Developing sensitivity and deep confidence in each other are important in the struggle to communicate effectively.

`You just don’t understand’ is also the frequent complaint of adolescents to parents. Parents do understand; maybe they don’t agree, and their reasons for not doing so come from the perspective of better experience and knowledge.The same adolescents grow up one day to view the situation from the perspective of those very parents.

The problem in both cases is obviously not a language issue, but one of differing perspectives. The only way to understand the other’s point of view is to be able to put yourself in his or her shoes. Empathy is a critical part of effective engagement. You have to be able to look at things from another’s perspective to understand how to better communicate with him or her.

Communication with a loved one is not dependent on language or words alone; emotions are certainly a critical element. An indication of this is that the English language has more than 600 words to describe emotions verbally. Humans have 43 facial muscles to help express emotions physically. And, though we speak 6,000 languages around the world, 90 per cent people across cultures can understand if another is feeling happy, sad, angry or surprised, just by looking at their faces!

However, talking at cross-purposes can also happen when there is a knowledge or information disconnect. When a teacher upbraids students for not understanding something, he is not referring to lack of empathy, but to a lack of knowledge and experience. From where the teacher stands metaphorically, knowledge is the bridge between him and the students who cannot grasp what he understands easily. The same goes for professionals, where skills and practice bridge the gap. Emotions will not help one gain knowledge or professional skills, though passion could be a good starting point.

And then there is the gap in understanding between people operating on different trajectories, when mental and spiritual levels or inclinations vary vastly. A spiritually-inclined colleague gave me interesting advice. “It is a waste of time and energy to communicate with those who are several steps away from one’s mental and spiritual level,“ he said. “They will never understand or appreciate your viewpoint. It is better to engage with those at par with one, or a level or so away.“

Sounds like good sense. Similar mental and spiritual levels play as important a role as emotion and empathy in the art of speaking a language understood and appreciated by another. No point explaining geometric algorithms to one who doesn’t understand basic calculation. Why beat your head and waste time when you could be more productively engaged with another?

And then of course, we cannot forget intent.Where there is an intention to misunderstand, how can you ever hope to be understood? As a friend is fond of saying, “You are confused only because you wish to be confused…“

10 Signs That You Don’t Want to Be Happy in Relationship

1. You keep engaging in the role of being The Other Woman.

2. You only become involved with emotionally unavailable men.

3. You go out with Bad Boys or Bastards in the name of excitement.

4. You keep dating the same ‘type’ that makes you feel miserable.

5. You happily shelve friends and family, especially when the object of your affections is clearly unsuitable.

6. You meet decent, nice men who want to treat you nice and spend time with you and you call them ‘Assholes’ or claim that it must be an act.

7. You want to be in a steady, committed relationship but keep sleeping around or being used sexually by men which further erodes into your self esteem hence stopping you from getting the relationship you want.

8. You do things that involve you willfully self destructing your life.

9. You get the opportunity to break up with the guy that is mistreating you, but you eventually take him back because you don’t value yourself enough and think it’s better to be with him.

10. You actually believe that it’s better to be with somebody, anybody than be alone.

5 Insane Facts Of Life In Rural China

Every single location on Earth has two faces: There's the one you see on the postcards, and the one that actually exists. For example, when you say "Las Vegas" everyone pictures the strip, not the trailer parks. The real city has both. Well, if you travel the world -- and we mean really travel, not just visit resorts and tourist destinations -- the reality can be shocking.

Just ask Jacek Mokujin Adamus, who spent a year backpacking through rural China, exploring an amazing -- and often unsettling -- side of the country you're not going to see on the news. He told us ...

#5. The Roads Are Like Something Out Of Mad Max

This is a picture I took of a truck during a bus ride through central China:

They couldn't take two trips. That would be bad for the environment!

And this is a picture I took of the truck a couple of minutes later:

Dear truck: Duh. Sincerely, Gravity.

You've probably seen plenty of similar pictures from China and wondered: How the hell is that stuff allowed on the roads? Short answer: bribes. Long answer: It's because Chinese roads are basically their own lawless nation where all giveable fucks have been outlawed. That's why I've actually seen taxis that got around traffic by driving on the sidewalk and yelling at the pedestrians to get out of their way. And when I say "seen" I really mean "ridden in."

And when I say "ridden," I really mean "screamed in terror."

And don't think you will be safer in rural China, because a large part of their traffic is trucks passing through on their way to bigger cities and blindly charging into groups of people foolish enough to set foot on their asphalt domain. You can probably guess that that wasn't a hypothetical. I've once witnessed a group of bar patrons spill out of a bar one night and suddenly part like the Red Sea when a cement truck sped past them without ever slowing down.

But there was also a lot of traffic from cars, motorcycles, and scooters seemingly built out of spare parts that the drivers found on the street. That and duct tape. Oh my god, so much duct tape.

No need for a helmet. Duct tape seals all head cracks.

#4. Some Of The Trains Resemble Rolling Slums

China has the longest network of high-class, high-speed trains in the world, measuring around10,000 miles. And that's awesome, but in a country the size of the European continent, it means that there are still many areas where the high-speed rail doesn't reach, and those places have to be serviced by local trains. And those trains, servicing often impoverished rural villages, were horrifying.

Obviously things weren't as bad in first class.

Some of the local trains I rode on actually resembled slums on wheels. Trash was everywhere and seemingly in unlimited supply. Occasionally a member of the cleaning staff would try to sweep up, only for the floor to be covered in even more trash a second later.

Also? Human shit. Granted, these were small babies we're talking about, but their parents still let them take a dump on the mother-loving floor of the train.

And that's where people were trying to sleep, dammit.

However, all the trash and shit (oh, and spit, I forgot about the spit) won't seem like such a big deal after you spend a few hours choking on the cigarette smoke filling up the upper levels. The Chinese are notoriously heavy smokers, and with nobody on the trains observing the "no smoking" rules, I had to spend most of my train ride wearing a face mask and staring at the smoke-free, garbage/feces-covered floor as it grew more and more inviting in my irritated eyes with each passing hour.

#3. The Police Could Not Give Less Of A Fuck About Their Jobs

You may have this image of Chinese police officers as heartless tools of the communist regime whose only job is to arrest journalists and stymie free speech. In contrast, this is a photo of a policeman I took in the small town of Irathernotsay:

Located in northern Forhisownsafety Province.

When you leave the hustle and bustle of a large city, you'd be surprised how friendly and relaxed Chinese police officers become. Perhaps a bit too relaxed, even. I had a friend who liked to take trips to Tibet, and in China that requires extensive paperwork. You'd almost think that Tibet was a totally different country or something. Anyway, one day that friend decided to not bother with the permits and just sneaked into Tibet. He stuck to rural areas, but he eventually ran into a police patrol that wanted to see his papers, so he led them to his hotel room ... where he jumped out of the window, and made a break for it on his motorbike.

"Wait. Stop."

In response, the police started issuing actual wanted posters for him. Two days later, he was finally caught, but, luckily for him, all the rural cops wanted was a bribe of 2,000 yuan, or about $300. Not exactly peanuts, but a million times better than time in a Chinese jail. Here's the insane part: My friend tried to haggle with them, constantly bringing the price down until the cops felt that all this talking was cutting into their smoking time, so they agreed on a $55 fine, and offered to buy my friend breakfast.

I used a similar tactic while backpacking outside of Chengdu when the police tried to take me in for questioning for vagrancy. Instead of going with them, I just sat there repeating: "It's OK, we don't need to go anywhere" until they just ... gave up and let me go. Maybe if I held off longer, I could have gotten a sandwich out of them.

#2. Maps Can Be Useless

For some reason I can't begin to understand, a lot of the made-in-China maps that I bought were hilariously wrong. On one map, an inch could correspond to anywhere between 500 yards and 2 freaking miles. That is not an acceptable margin of error for an atomic blast, least of all a thing I rely on to not get lost in a foreign country. Because of that, I rarely knew how long it would take me to get from point A to point B, and that's a surefire recipe for finding yourself out alone at night, getting attacked by werepandas.

Still, that wasn't as bad as the mirrored maps. These are maps where for some reason, everything was reversed (except the text), like if you had a map of the USA that showed California on the East Coast. That's exactly like the actual shitty map I ran into that got me lost in Shanghai.

Maybe I should have gotten directions from what appears to be the most badass family in the Eastern Hemisphere.

I have no idea why anyone would do something like that, but I know it wasn't a once-in-a-lifetime misprint because I found the same kind of messed-up map a second time while traveling through Kunming. Thankfully, in times of great frustration, I could always cheer myself up by looking for Chinese maps where people had crossed out the word "Sea of Japan" and replaced it with the much more China-friendly "East Sea." Glad to see that the two countries are working out their differences in the most adult ways possible.

Still better than their original idea to name it the "Sea of I'm With Stupid."

#1. Foreigners Are Greeted With Everything From Curiosity To Open Threats

Once, I entered a tiny village shop in rural China and the lady shopkeepers started screaming at the sight of me. They then ran out from behind the counter, ignoring all the waiting customers, and basically started groping me while saying something to the extent of "Wow, is this real?!"

Now, that's not the typical reaction in a city -- there, non-Asians are considered just exotic enough that strangers want to take pictures with us or maybe give us free drinks. But when a foreigner finds themselves in a tiny village where cabbages outnumber people, their status quickly changes from "hot girl at a bar" to "a bizarre hybrid of a rock star and some barely-humanoid, mythical cryptid."

"Sorry, we all thought you were Mark Wahlberg."

On one occasion, I was backpacking through the countryside around Suzhou in the east of China, and came across an old lady on the road. As we got closer, she looked at me, made a face like she'd just seen a ghost, and then straight-up bolted in the opposite direction. As far as I can tell, I wasn't doing anything that could have scared her, but I did exist in her general vicinity without having been born there. I quickly learned that in some parts of rural China, that sort of thing can pass for witchcraft. I've lost count of how many times even young Chinese people ran up to me and then just silently stood there with amazed looks on their faces.

One of the strangest experiences I've ever had was the time I backpacked through Tiger Leaping Gorge in the south of China. On the one hand, the scenery was absolutely breathtaking, but I unfortunately witnessed many acts of domestic violence in some of the hamlets I passed along the way. People yelling at their cowering spouses, pushing them against walls. ... It was incredibly uncomfortable to watch, particularly because all the aggressors were women.

#YesAllWomen.

Tiger Leaping Gorge is mainly inhabited by the Naxi people, a Chinese ethnic group where women call all the shots. Most guidebooks will tell you that only one subgroup of the Naxi people do this, but that's not what I saw. What I saw was a widespread mafia of elderly women keeping their husbands in check with the backs of their hands, and extorting money from tourists.

I learned about the latter when I took a picture of the gorge near a Naxi woman. She then turned to me and demanded payment for the picture because her people "take care of the trail." When I refused to pay, the old woman grabbed me by the shirt and threatened to brain me with a huge rock. I could've easily fought her off, but I also knew that there were outposts of Naxi women throughout the gorge, and that if I messed with one of them, I would just bring their wrath (and presumably more huge rocks) on myself. So in lieu of payment, I bought some overpriced Snickers off the woman, and was allowed to leave.

This spared me a death by rocks and one dozen goats.

Things have gone significantly smoother with the nearby Bai people, another lesser-known ethnic group whom I've first encountered while their women were sacrificing a pig's head to their agricultural deity. That's it in the white bowl there:

Between this and the rock-bashing, the whole experience had a really weird Lord Of The Flies vibe.

Unlike the Naxi, the Bai folks were super nice to me, and insisted I try the roasted pig head. And you know what? The snout and cheeks weren't half-bad.